Five Things The Publisher Said About Fade to Blue: 1. "It's so fast paced I had no clue at all what was going on except there's a vacuum store in space and this girl's brother should probably hit the Jenny Craig hard." 2. "It has feel-bad moments" 3. "It's scream-out-loud scary." 4. "You'll sort of hate The Nurse more than you hate your own family." 5. "Some people prefer The Matrix, but those people are stuck in the past with their creeper Keanu-and-leather fetishes."

Some Advice I, Sophie Blue, Can Give You, The Potential Reader:

1. Sell a couple of your old Family Guy dvds and then use the cash to pay for this book. Use what's left to buy black lapstick. If you're a guy, buy the lipstick and a Bauhaus t-shirt.

2. My father disappeared. Keep an eye on yours. You may need him sometime.

3. Someone keeps breaking into our house, but they never steal anything. If someone keeps breaking into your house and never steals anything, there's probably something good hidden there that your mom never mentioned and is what those people are looking for. Find it first.

4. After you buy this book and bring it into the school cafeteria and stand on a table and read parts of it out loud in a sort of Hungarian/Dracula accent, your popularity will increase exponentially.

5. Start reading more comic books. Comic books have all the answers. Especially vampire ones called "Bite Me One, Suck Me Twice." A smart reader knows that vampires are this generation's oracles.